Illuminati veteran Jim Palmarini came out of retirement to help his team Monday night and was immediately asked to lose one for the Gipper.
Palmarini took a handicap dive to help the IBT salvage a win in the first game of a divisional series with the Lost Corner Bar team. The Illuminati lost the night 5-2, but it could have been worse without Palmarini's heroics.
The handicap dive--known in some quarters as the pas de gutter--is a complex mathematical and athletic maneuver that involves bowling just badly enough to change the outcome of a game that has already been played. League bowling is unique among sports--and possibly unique in the entire universe of Newtonian physics--in providing a way for competitors to influence events ex post facto.
To work a handicap dive, a bowler has to begin the evening's series without an established handicap. Palmarini, who had not competed in the Tavern League this season, was the only eligible member of the IBT foursome. He attacked the problem with gusto, turning in a precision-rolled 166, 130, 129: 425 to lower his average (and inflate his handicap) just enough in the course of the second and third games to give his team a four-pin win the first. If he had converted one more spare, the Illuminati probably would have lost all seven points.
The IBT's record stands at 23-19 (7-7 in the Gutter Division).
The lines
Hunt--168, 164, 133: 465 (145, +3)
Palmarini--166, 130, 129: 425 (142, new)
Peitz--118, 159, 113: 390 (143, -2)
Corathers--158, 143, 192: 493 (150, +3)
Monday, February 20, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
Shaken by Veep's gunplay, Illuminati drop 7 to Dungeons
Illuminati Bowling Team leadoff man Christopher Hunt was in stable condition and resting at home Monday night after taking a shotgun blast to the backside from Vice President Dick Cheney.
The shooting, believed to be accidental, happened in the third frame of IBT's first game of the night against the Dungeon Family. Cheney, subbing for the factory-sponsored Jagermeister team on the adjacent lane, fired a round of double-ought birdshot into Hunt's posterior just as the Illuminati bowler released the ball.
Vice President Cheney.
Members of Senor Exhaust, the team that was bowling against Jagermeister, said Cheney had invoked an unfamiliar rule--which he said was common in the Wyoming alleys where he usually bowls--that allows the use of a small-gauge shotgun to convert particularly difficult spares. Cheney was trying to clean up a 7-10 split when the incident occurred.
Treated at the scene by Secret Service paramedics, Hunt was able to continue the game after a thirty-five minute delay. He rolled a 129, 168, 121: 418 and, remarkably, had the high series for the Illuminati despite an obvious hitch in his approach to the foul line. His teammates, apparently shaken by the shooting incident, bowled poorly and the team dropped seven points to the Dungeons.
Administration officials declined to comment on the shooting, saying they were observing the mandatory 18-hour delay in reporting vice-presidential gunplay.
"We don't even have to tell the Norwood Police about this until tomorrow afternoon," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan. "So why would we tell you anything?"
A source close to Cheney who insisted on anonymity assured The Illuminator that the shooting was accidental, pointing out that Hunt is a Republican. "We know this bowling team," the source said of the IBT. "We've read their e-mail. Believe me, if the vice president wanted to shoot somebody on the Illuminati Bowling Team, it wouldn't be Mr. Hunt."
Cheney finished his series for Jagermeister and turned in a (firearm-assisted) 212, 231, 197: 640.
The lines
Hunt--129, 168, 121: 418 (143, unch)
Kennedy--90, 94, 114: 298 (104, -1)
Peitz--125, 125, 132: 382 (145, -4)
Corathers--146, 118, 109: 373 (148, -5)
The shooting, believed to be accidental, happened in the third frame of IBT's first game of the night against the Dungeon Family. Cheney, subbing for the factory-sponsored Jagermeister team on the adjacent lane, fired a round of double-ought birdshot into Hunt's posterior just as the Illuminati bowler released the ball.
Vice President Cheney.
Members of Senor Exhaust, the team that was bowling against Jagermeister, said Cheney had invoked an unfamiliar rule--which he said was common in the Wyoming alleys where he usually bowls--that allows the use of a small-gauge shotgun to convert particularly difficult spares. Cheney was trying to clean up a 7-10 split when the incident occurred.
Treated at the scene by Secret Service paramedics, Hunt was able to continue the game after a thirty-five minute delay. He rolled a 129, 168, 121: 418 and, remarkably, had the high series for the Illuminati despite an obvious hitch in his approach to the foul line. His teammates, apparently shaken by the shooting incident, bowled poorly and the team dropped seven points to the Dungeons.
Administration officials declined to comment on the shooting, saying they were observing the mandatory 18-hour delay in reporting vice-presidential gunplay.
"We don't even have to tell the Norwood Police about this until tomorrow afternoon," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan. "So why would we tell you anything?"
A source close to Cheney who insisted on anonymity assured The Illuminator that the shooting was accidental, pointing out that Hunt is a Republican. "We know this bowling team," the source said of the IBT. "We've read their e-mail. Believe me, if the vice president wanted to shoot somebody on the Illuminati Bowling Team, it wouldn't be Mr. Hunt."
Cheney finished his series for Jagermeister and turned in a (firearm-assisted) 212, 231, 197: 640.
The lines
Hunt--129, 168, 121: 418 (143, unch)
Kennedy--90, 94, 114: 298 (104, -1)
Peitz--125, 125, 132: 382 (145, -4)
Corathers--146, 118, 109: 373 (148, -5)
Monday, February 06, 2006
I-Team stomps Roy's Boys, 5-2
The Illuminati Bowling team crushed traditional Tavern League power Roy’s Boys 5-2 in the first divisional matchup for both teams Monday night. The Illuminati, who are on a 19-2 run over the past three weeks, polished their record to 21-7 overall. They’re 5-2 in the fiercely competitive Gutter Division.
Longtime Illuminati fan Isabelle J. "Peanut" Anthony expresses shocked amusement at her team's easy dominance over Tavern League rival Roy's Boys Monday night. (Illuminator Staff Photo)
Remarkably, both of the Illuminati wins came by the same score—802-756 in the first and third games. “Probably coincidence,” said team numerologist Benmont Tench, “but we’re looking into it. You’ve got to play every angle in this game.”
Monday’s competition also marked the first start of the season for IBT sub Susan Doremus, who rolled a 119, 129, 110: 358. Top performers for the I-Team were Mike Peitz, with a 166, 141, 164: 471 and Don Corathers, 144, 171, 162: 477. Chris Hunt, breaking in a new pair of shoes, slipped to a 124 in the middle stanza but managed a 158 and 151 on either side of it to finish with a 433 series.
The lines
Hunt--158, 124, 151: 433 (144, +1)
Doremus--119, 129, 110: 358 (119, new)
Peitz--166, 141, 164: 471 (149, +3)
Corathers--144, 171, 162: 477 (153, +2)
Longtime Illuminati fan Isabelle J. "Peanut" Anthony expresses shocked amusement at her team's easy dominance over Tavern League rival Roy's Boys Monday night. (Illuminator Staff Photo)
Remarkably, both of the Illuminati wins came by the same score—802-756 in the first and third games. “Probably coincidence,” said team numerologist Benmont Tench, “but we’re looking into it. You’ve got to play every angle in this game.”
Monday’s competition also marked the first start of the season for IBT sub Susan Doremus, who rolled a 119, 129, 110: 358. Top performers for the I-Team were Mike Peitz, with a 166, 141, 164: 471 and Don Corathers, 144, 171, 162: 477. Chris Hunt, breaking in a new pair of shoes, slipped to a 124 in the middle stanza but managed a 158 and 151 on either side of it to finish with a 433 series.
The lines
Hunt--158, 124, 151: 433 (144, +1)
Doremus--119, 129, 110: 358 (119, new)
Peitz--166, 141, 164: 471 (149, +3)
Corathers--144, 171, 162: 477 (153, +2)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
