The mysterious streaker who interrupted play in the Illuminati Bowling Team’s season-opening Monday night match against Delta House has been positively identified as former Speaker of the House and G.O.P. presidential candidate Newt Gingrich.
According to earlier news accounts, a large man wearing only a beret and a thong pushed past startled bowlers at the foul line, belly-flopped about forty feet down the lane, and then got to his feet and began a kind of slow, stomping clog-like dance until he was subdued by a crew of pinsetters. It took several minutes to bring the situation under control, at least in part because the man, who was identified as Gingrich today by Norwood Police, was covered with a sheen of oily lane dressing.
“He was slicker’n snot on a doorknob,” said chief pin boy Arnold Potato. “Other thing was, none of us didn’t want to touch him anyway.”
The Gingrich campaign has not yet made an official statement about the candidate’s behavior, which was considered unusual even by the relaxed standards of Historic Stone’s Lanes. “He’s been under a lot of stress,” one aide said, on condition of anonymity.
No one required medical attention after the incident, although Illuminati team member Michael Peitz, who was bowling on Lane 27 when Gingrich skidded down the alley, needed a shot of Southern Comfort before he was able to continue.
Delta House won the opening night series 5-2, in spite of uncommonly consistent bowling by the IBT and a 185 high game turned in by Steve Nelson.
Game 1: Illuminati 791, Delta House 693
Game 1: Illuminati 791, Delta House 693
Game 2: Delta House 757, Illuminati 709
Game 3: Delta House 885, Illuminati 832
Total pins: Delta House 2335, Illuminati 2332
Line score
Nelson--185, 105, 144: 434; avg 144 (new)
Peitz--109, 132, 155: 396; avg 132 (new)
Talkington--151, 132, 176: 459; avg 153 (new)
Corathers--144, 138, 155: 437; avg 145 (new)
