The Illuminati Bowling Team ran its winning streak to six games and fourteen points with a convincing 7-0 pasting of an underprepared Who Dey Crew in Stone's Tavern League action Monday. The IBT, at 16-5 after three weeks of work, is in the catbird seat in the league's hotly contested Gutter Division.
There was speculation during pregame warmups that Who Dey, whose bowlers use the names of Cincinnati football players, might have some real Bengals subbing this week, but that was quickly deflated when they began lacing up their Day-Glo rental shoes: "Odell"--white guy. "Rudi"--white guy. "Chad"--white guy. "Carson"--ambulatory guy.
The Illuminati started with a 14-pin handicap advantage and held it through each game, never trailing and winning by 55, 27, and 22. Chris Hunt turned in a standout 180 game in the second stanza, 45 pins over average. Rookie phenom Deborah "Little Debbie" Kennedy struggled through the series, hitting a low point when she was flagged with an Improper Use of Furniture penalty during the third game.
The lines
Hunt--140, 180, 133: 453 (143, +8)
Kennedy--89, 88, 101: 278 (105, -6)
Peitz--142, 151, 116: 409 (147, -5)
Corathers--144, 167, 162: 473 (151, +5)
Season highs
Scratch game: Peitz, 190; Hunt, 180
Scratch series: Corathers, 473; Peitz, 472
Handicap game: Hunt, 238; Kennedy, 236
Handicap series: Kennedy, 666*; Hunt, 627
*The Illuminati Bowling Team acknowledges that 666 is a registered trademark of The Beelzebub Company, a wholly owned subsidiary of Halliburton, Inc. The team is not in any way associated with His Satanic Majesty, and intends no infringement of Beelzebub's registered mark by publishing this score.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
'Heathen' Kennedy leads Illuminati over Full Monty, 7-0
Fortified by a 94 handicap and notes of encouragement from one of her teammates, Illuminati Bowling Team rookie Deborah "Little Heathen" Kennedy led a 7-0 rout of a dazed Full Monty team in Stone's Lanes Tavern League action Monday night.
Kennedy's 111, 131, 142: 384, following her handicap-building January 16 debut, was enough to bury the Monties and improve the IBT's record to 9-5. Two weeks into the season, the team is contending with Roy's Boys for first place in the league's tough Gutter Division.
Another notable performance was turned in by Mike Peitz, who opened with a team season high 190 first game but faded in the second and third when he couldn't get his patented gutter ricochet shot to work consistently.
Kennedy declined to reveal the contents of the note passed to her by teammate Chris Hunt midway through the second game. Hunt, a student of business motivator Zig Ziglar, frequently shares thoughtful words of encouragement with his colleagues, and clearly his comment to Kennedy elevated her game.
"I'd rather not say what he told me," the Illuminati rookie said. "We'll let the lawyers sort it out."
The lines
Hunt--119, 137, 150: 406; (135, new)
Kennedy--111, 131, 142: 384; (111, +17)
Peitz--190, 148, 134: 472; (152, +5)
Corathers--153, 142, 134: 429; (149, -5)
Kennedy's 111, 131, 142: 384, following her handicap-building January 16 debut, was enough to bury the Monties and improve the IBT's record to 9-5. Two weeks into the season, the team is contending with Roy's Boys for first place in the league's tough Gutter Division.
Another notable performance was turned in by Mike Peitz, who opened with a team season high 190 first game but faded in the second and third when he couldn't get his patented gutter ricochet shot to work consistently.
Kennedy declined to reveal the contents of the note passed to her by teammate Chris Hunt midway through the second game. Hunt, a student of business motivator Zig Ziglar, frequently shares thoughtful words of encouragement with his colleagues, and clearly his comment to Kennedy elevated her game.
"I'd rather not say what he told me," the Illuminati rookie said. "We'll let the lawyers sort it out."
The lines
Hunt--119, 137, 150: 406; (135, new)
Kennedy--111, 131, 142: 384; (111, +17)
Peitz--190, 148, 134: 472; (152, +5)
Corathers--153, 142, 134: 429; (149, -5)
Publisher: Missing fall season an 'oversight'
In a statement issued simultaneously in Rome, Chicago, and Norwood, Ohio Monday evening, Illuminator publisher John de Conqueroo said the paper's eight-month lapse in publication was "an oversight."
De Conqueroo apologized to subscribers, advertisers, and the Illuminator editorial staff, some of whom have been camped outside his Amalfi Coast hideaway since last May, awaiting instructions. The paper was last published in early May, and missed covering the Illuminati Bowling Team's entire fall season.
"We forgot," de Conqueroo said. "I've had this nagging feeling there was something I should be doing, but I just couldn't figure out what it was." The publisher said he was reminded of his responsibility to the paper by a pointed message in a fortune cookie he picked up at a Chinese restaurant in Scranton, Pennsylvania over the weekend.
"Funny thing was, it wasn't even my fortune cookie," he said.
De Conqueroo apologized to subscribers, advertisers, and the Illuminator editorial staff, some of whom have been camped outside his Amalfi Coast hideaway since last May, awaiting instructions. The paper was last published in early May, and missed covering the Illuminati Bowling Team's entire fall season.
"We forgot," de Conqueroo said. "I've had this nagging feeling there was something I should be doing, but I just couldn't figure out what it was." The publisher said he was reminded of his responsibility to the paper by a pointed message in a fortune cookie he picked up at a Chinese restaurant in Scranton, Pennsylvania over the weekend.
"Funny thing was, it wasn't even my fortune cookie," he said.
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