Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Illuminati smite Creationists, 7-0, in disputed match

Tavern League officials have been asked to mediate a dispute between the Illuminati Bowling Team and their Monday night opponent, a team representing the bar at the Museum of Creation Science.

According to the electronic scoring system, the Illuminati swept the match 7-0, but the Creationist team says that result is not possible because it contradicts the scriptural record. The fundamentalist museum has filed similar protests after each of its team's 34 losses this season.

"We smote them," said Creationist Museum attorney Mike Allen. "It's right there in the Good Book. I could quote you chapter and verse. We are undefeated because God says so."

In addition to the Biblical argument, Allen's complaint also alleges that the Illuminati team is not eligible for Tavern League competition because its sponsor, the Educational Theatre Association, is not strictly speaking a bar. The Creationist bowlers, he said, are all servers and bartenders at the museum's Answers in Genesis Tavern, where thirsty Baptists can refresh themselves after strolling through the museum's rigorously scientific exhibits.

The league has not yet scheduled a hearing on the protest.

The lines (provisional)
Nelson--128, 134, 112: 374; avg 124 (unch)
Kennedy (competing in absentia)--110, 110, 110: 330; avg 120 (unch)
Peitz--173, 128, 179: 480; avg 143 (+2)
Corathers--133, 172, 158: 463; avg 157 (unch)

Next week
Illuminati vs. The Raging Strikaholics


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